


only you (and because you are you)

by crownedalien



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: (but that’s not the focus), Established Relationship, It’s mostly just Jeremy, M/M, Mostly Fluff, No Angst, Only rated T because of a sexual joke that’s a reference to a different fanfic, trans!jeremy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 12:18:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12959031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crownedalien/pseuds/crownedalien
Summary: He could’ve felt embarrassed by the fact that he was proving his boyfriend right. But, Michael just wasn’t going to know. If he never tells him, he won’t have to face the teasing later.———Jeremy misses his boyfriend and finds, relives, and discovers Michael





	only you (and because you are you)

Michael always liked stuff. Any kind of stuff. He had shelves of figurines, stacks of vinyls and albums, piles of comic books, and so much more. If he ever had a somewhat interest in something he would have a lot of it.

And Jeremy always loved this about his boyfriend. With every new interest, comes sooner or later of Michael gushing over it and Jeremy would be lying if he said it wasn’t the cutest thing. Plus, most of the time Jeremy would find it interesting too, of course not to the same extent. But they would end up spending weeks or months into something and forget about it later.

But Michael loved to keep everything he ever gotten from these phases. And Jeremy is only ever reminded of this whenever he goes into Michael’s room where everything the stashed.

Well, not everything. In 8th grade his moms told him to at least put some of the stuff in the attic. So a big chunk is up there but it seems like the older they get, the more they obsess over things.

But Michael’s room is like a palace of nostalgia for the two of them. And whenever Jeremy is in there, he can’t help but see all of the crazy shit Michael still had from all those years. Including this moment.

Now, Michael wasn’t there. He’s currently visiting family in the Philippines for the first month of summer. But he, probably joking, left Jeremy a key to his house just in case “you are missing me too much and need something to remind you of your amazing boyfriend”.

Jeremy had scoffed when this interaction happened but after only a week of Michael being gone he had his toll. Sure, they Skyped and texted a lot but time zones are homophobic and they never could last that long. 

So there he stood in Michael’s room after only a week of him being gone. He could’ve felt embarrassed by the fact that he was proving his boyfriend right. But, Michael just wasn’t going to know. If he never tells him, he won’t have to face the teasing later.

But when he stepped into the room. It was as clean as it could be with all of his things sorted. His moms probably had Michael clean his room before they left. It was a bit of a new sight for Jeremy. But the only thing outta place was the infamous hoodie that Michael always wore was laying on top of the clean bed. 

Jeremy instantly went to the bed and picked up the hoodie, and found a familiar red of a sticky note. Sticky notes that Michael use to remind Jeremy of stuff and added information to Jeremy’s notes for classes he couldn’t understand.

‘Hey Jer,   
I knew you would come here eventually. But don’t be ashamed, I probably would’ve done the same thing! Just know that I’m probably missing you as well, probably even more that you-‘

Ha, as if that was possible, Jeremy thought.

‘And don’t worry about my hoodie. It’s probably just blazing hot over there and I couldn’t wear it then. Plus I know you need it, just don’t do anything too profane without letting me know ;)-‘

Jeremy flushed red at even the thought of that. And tried to continue the note without letting his mind even ponder that situation.

‘But, I miss you Miah. I’ll be home before you know it.   
Love, Michael <3’

Jeremy smiled at the little heart. Really, Jeremy was glad he had Michael in his life. He doesn’t think that if he was with anyone else that they would just know that he would come. Jeremy takes the sticky note and puts into his pocket to later put with the others. And slips into Michael’s hoodie easily as it engulfs him completely.

He takes the edge and deeply breathes. The smell of cherry slushees, pot, and Michael fill his senses. Although Michael had gotten Jeremy his own hoodie and helped him sew his patches on for his birthday. It’s never the same as wearing Michael’s. The warmth is like he is actually there with him in a way.

But, now what was he supposed to do? As much as Jeremy would never admit it, video games were not as fun without Michael there. He couldn’t play Kingdom Hearts without wanting to hear Michael’s witty remarks and hilarious impressions of the characters. Mario Kart wasn’t fun when Jeremy knows in his head he wouldn’t be winning if Michael was there (Jeremy swears that he is cheating somehow even after all these years). Playing Pokémon wasn’t as comfortable as when Michael cuddles him from behind and giving him tips on how to defeat the gym leaders. And he can’t even touch Apocalypse of the Damned. Not without him.

Jeremy decides that maybe looking through some nostalgia will past the time. But, where to start? There was shelves full of movies and books. But mostly a lot of manga and comic books. A vinyl record on the desk and a box labeled “Vinyls pt. 6” on it. And his closet door was open which instead of clothes was just full of other boxes. Some were labeled throughly such as “Dragon phase 2013”, some just had the year, and quite a few were unlabeled or said “yeah I have no idea” or question marks.

And yet, Jeremy wanted something more than a box in a closet that Jeremy would recognize. He wanted something new, a box that Michael had never shared, if he even had one that is…

Man, Jeremy was never the type for mysteries. It took him years to find out that his best friend had a crush on him. Which according to everyone was painfully obvious. Jeremy sighed, maybe he could take a nap in Michael’s bed.

Jeremy flopped onto the bed. But as he felt the mattress bend to weight. Jeremy could have swore he felt something. Something like a box…underneath his bed!

Jeremy got off the bed and knelt and grabbed the box that was snuggly out of view because of the blanket. And cursed his small limbs, the box was heavy. There were tons of markings on the box. Loads of years and words crossed off but red hearts surrounded the box and finally in big letters that cover other crosses out words read:

“FAV THINGS ALL TIME”

Jeremy has never seen this box in his life. He didn’t even know that Michael could choose favorites. Although Jeremy was much more indecisive than him, if you asked Michael his favorite song, video game, movie, or anything? Michael just would change the answer every time.

Jeremy then opened the box slowly, already trying to guess what would be there. His favorite video games? Albums? Anime? Or…

Wow.

Jeremy was greeted to papers, cds, Polaroids, tickets, toys, and just so much more. But Jeremy could recognize all of these. Letters Jeremy wrote to Michael when he is out of town, mix tapes he made for him, cards he had given to Michael, encased flowers from their first date. And there were things he had never seen, song sheets, mix tapes that were unfinished, pictures of him when he wasn’t looking, and drawings of him.

Jeremy is amazed that Michael had all of this stuff. He was tempted to just go through everything. See what these songs were, what songs were in the mixtapes, and how oblivious was he that he couldn’t notice whenever his boyfriend took a picture of him. 

But then in the corner was a small blue video camera that caught Jeremy’s eye. It’s wasn’t retro but it definitely wasn’t modern. Maybe from the early 2000s at the latest. But it looked heavily used, scratches all over. Jeremy doubts that it even can take videos anymore.

Jeremy picks up the device and inspects it more. He doesn’t remember Michael ever having a video camera like this. Don’t get it wrong, Michael loves photography and is really good at it! One of his shelves is lined all different kinds of cameras from different eras all of them having multiple memory cards and are filled completely with pictures. 

But this one was so… cheap. As if it was already bought used and was used for another good 5-7 years. Michael almost always buys his cameras new or barely used. And he is very picky about the ones he buys.

So why does he have this one?

Jeremy flips the screen open and turns on the camera. And he is glad that it turns on easily and doesn’t need any new batteries.

Despite how cheap it looks, from looking into the capture, isn’t not too bad. But Jeremy isn’t nearly in the know about this as Michael. What looks good to him might look awful for Michael. Jeremy took a look around with the camera before looking at the many buttons presented. 

‘Well, let’s see what Michael is hiding.’ Jeremy thought with a smirk.

After a few tries, Jeremy finds gets into memory and gets to the first video available.

Gotcha.

Jeremy presses play. And is greeted to a dim but the familiar look of Michael’s room. But, it’s different. There is not a lot that liters the room like it does nowadays. But suddenly he is greeted to a much younger Michael’s face. He looks so young and… so adorable. He looks as if he isn’t even in the 4th grade.

Michael stares confused, “is this thing working?” He mumbles confused. Jeremy giggles as Michael’s face gets closer in inspection.

“Ah it is! Good thing I found this lying around. I had to find a new memory card though. This is probably Mom’s. But I need to catch this comedy GOLD.” Michael laughs a young cheerful laugh that hasn’t been heard in years, Jeremy found the fact that Michael was talking to himself cute, but is confused about what could be so funny for all this effort.

“So I don’t know how I didn’t figure this out before. We’ve known each other since preschool and this ISN'T the first sleepover. But…” the camera leaves Michael’s cute face and comes to yet a familiar face that Jeremy almost flinches at.

Jeremy, who is unrecognizable with long brown hair covering his face appears. Sound asleep and completely unaware that that his best friend is filming him. 

After a couple of seconds, Michael groaned, “C’mon!!! You were saying stuff before!”

A couple more seconds passed, and Michael being the impatient person he is started rapping his foot. Until that erupted something.

“Magical rabbit is flying?” Jeremy muttered softly.

Michael bursted laughing before it seemed to be muffled by his hand covering his mouth. Jeremy was appalled, he didn’t know he talked in his sleep! What the fuck?

Jeremy in the video continued, “I’m fuckin Alice in wonderland.”

“Sure you are.” Michael responded smugly.

“Exactly Michael.” Jeremy answered. Michael laughed again. And as the video went on, although this revelation is still shocking, it was kind of funny how Jeremy responded easily to Michael’s voice.

“I’m so using this as bait for you.” Michael laughed as Jeremy again muttered something about tea and cats.

The video ended after that, Jeremy was glad that his embarrassment was over. But was confused with how Michael had never brought up this up to him.

Until he clicked on the next video.

And the next.

And the next.

And the next.

It seems as if this entire camera was contained of Jeremy throughout the years saying weird shit in his sleep and Michael laughing with every new adventure. From piano lessons he never took to watermelons to greek gods to anything else you could think of.

Jeremy didn’t know why he kept looking at these videos. But something about the way how Jeremy get older and the more ridiculous things come out of his mouth. The older Michael’s laugh gets, his voice ringing through the mic of the camera no matter how hard he tried to muffle his laugh.

Middle school where suddenly his long hair was gone and Michael called him by many assortments of names before “Jeremy” stuck. Summer camps together where somehow Michael snuck his camera in to film more funny but more camp related adventures. Anime dreams were becoming a thing, a mumbled song came once or twice, and the puberty in Michael’s laugh was too adorable and Jeremy was ashamed that he didn’t take the time to appreciate sooner.

High school was filled with more and more videos. Girls becoming a topic of dreams that Michael seemed not to have as much of an interest in. But a video from freshman year where it’s not the first time where it’s dreams of him and Michael hanging out together.

“Corgis are the master race.” Jeremy in the video muttered. Michael sighed, knowing this argument was a constant between the two of them.

“But Jer, pugs are the cutest!” Michael argues.

“Pugs are… smashed up dogs.” Michael chocked before he bursted out laughing again. 

“Smashed up? Oh my god Jer you are too cute!” Present Jeremy flushed at the comment. But Michael continued to laugh. However, Jeremy responded,

“You’re the cute one.” 

Michael paused and present Jeremy stiffened. Michael laughed weakly, as a hand appeared to move one of the curls on Jeremy’s head slightly covering his eyes. He sighs fondly and then is quiet. Jeremy can’t help just listen intently and stare as Michael’s hand moves from his hair to his cheek. 

“That’s no where near the truth.” Michael whispered so quietly that if Jeremy hadn’t been paying attention he probably would have missed it.

The video ended after that. And now Jeremy didn’t just wonder how long Michael had feelings for him but how long… did Jeremy have feelings for Michael without even himself realizing it?

Soon, the videos became less and less as they approached junior year. Not because they didn’t sleep over, but Jeremy remembered not getting a lot of sleep back then. They would have more late night video game or movie marathons that lasted so long not even Michael’s insomnia could get past the sleepiness that contained the both of them.

Of course, the situation still came that a video would come from these marathons. Usually the dreams would then be about the content they were watching or playing (a lot of the time it was Disney movies admittedly), only on occasion would it be something completely different (like Micheal being the sun? And Jeremy the moon? What was that all about?) And the many deeper growing laughter that Michael would give every video filled Jeremy’s heart with little pestering butterflies.

But after one about being in a high tech video game that seemed vaguely familiar. Jeremy could tell in the next video that a lot of time had passed. And already knew why.

Not only because of what happened, but because a friendship that was so fractured takes a long time to heal. And with the two of them, it took a very long time for that to happen. Even still they talk about it. There was months of awkward conversations and sometimes Jeremy wondered if their friendship could be saved. But with all the effort that both of them put in. A lot of months of confessions, tears, and hugs and a lot of talking. 

It was never completely healed, but with the scars came a bond that was stronger than before. And soon, a relationship that made each other really happy.

The next couple of videos were far and spaced. They didn’t have as much laughs. But soon it was coming back. And the occasional small laugh that Michael gave were better than nothing. 

But soon the laughs would grow and grow again, and weirder and weirder did the dreams get (like becoming seal, being assassins thar wanted to kill each other). But Jeremy’s favorite would be where be throwing shade at the demented computer as super heroes. (At least that’s what Jeremy thought was going on.)

After a lot more videos, came one unlike any other. You could tell right away from the angle and it that was pretty close to Jeremy’s face. And the hand that was not holding the camera, was seen tangled in Jeremy’s hair. And the “pillow” that Jeremy clung onto was actually Michael himself. This, was a sight that Jeremy was familiar with.

It was the night after they became official. Jeremy was so nervous and afraid, and he felt like Michael was too. They had spent a long time re-building their 12 year friendship, and were scared that if things went south… it could be the end for them forever.

But, that day. When Jeremy had found out that Michael felt the same, was a big relief. Of course, there was a lot of talking, fears, and guilt. But there was also happiness, hugs, and forgiveness. And Jeremy wouldn’t trade it for anything.

And waking up that next morning in Michael’s arms would soon be a thing that Jeremy would want more often. And seeing Michael’s face looking so fondly at him full of emotion. Jeremy never wanted to stop looking. Until he closed his eyes as they shared their first kiss. 

In the video Jeremy mumbled something barely heard but it made Michael give out a soft chuckle that Jeremy had never heard, so softly and deep, he could see the very slight rumble of Michael’s chest when it happened. It was then silent. But then-

“I love you.”

Jeremy’s heart leaped out of his chest. That… was not a thing they have ever said to each other. They had decided to try to take things slow, of course they rarely succeed. But was that the emotion that Michael had when he looked at him? His eyes so soft and caring, even when teasing. It was something that Jeremy couldn’t place before.

Love.

And although Jeremy, being afraid, had never thought about it. He knew that when Michael’s words hit him in the softness in his voice and with his slight accent. Jeremy knew he felt the same. But, it wasn’t only that.

It was the sent of Michael hoodie that still surrounded him. It was the memories that were in Michael’s room. It was the pounding in Jeremy’s heart. It was Michael’s laugh that Jeremy had been listening to him grow for how many hours. 

It was Michael.

He loves Michael.

It was then, in that moment, he heard the door from upstairs open. Jeremy almost jumped, he knew that he had locked the door again when he came into the house. Which only meant…

Jeremy then quickly got up and ran out and up the stairs as fast and his lanky legs would carry him leaving the video camera on the floor. Michael’s mom was there and was only surprised for a second that he was there. She pointed to the front door that was still open with a smile.

Jeremy didn’t thank her as he ran out the door to see Michael closing the door to his cruiser and look up as they caught each other eyes. Jeremy couldn’t help it as he ran to him, past Michael’s mother. Michael barely got anything past his mouth before Jeremy jumped to his arms.

Michael was surprised and not prepared for that, yet still caught him easily. And didn’t object as Jeremy pulled his head to the most emotionally driven kiss they’ve had. Their teeth clashed and noses smooshed, glasses pressed, but all that mattered was that he was there. Kissing back and accepting and returning it ten-fold.

As they pulled away. They were both breathing heavily, Jeremy rested his forehead against Michael’s, still clinging onto his body as Michael still holds his legs up with ease as the legs hugged his body close.

“Jer, I-“

“I love you.” Jeremy blurted, cutting Michael off. Jeremy felt his face go bright red at his outburst. And hid his face into Michael’s shoulder out of embarrassment.

Michael was quiet for a second but then let out a nervous chuckle that Jeremy felt vibrate in his chest. “I know I was gone for a week but that’s a little…”

Jeremy burst fro his shoulder, “It’s true! I love you!” He brought his hands to Michael’s cheeks. He swallowed down his nervousness as he felt Michael’s cheeks grow warm. “I love you Michael Mell.”

Michael stood in amazement at Jeremy’s words and tears slowly picked at his eyes as Michael brought Jeremy into another kiss. It was slower and handled with more care but that doesn’t mean that the emotion lessened. Quite the opposite even as the kids grew salty with tears now running down both of their cheeks.

Michael pulled back for air, only to come back for a peck, then another, and another. Jeremy laughed tearfully as Michael pressed kisses all over his face and neck.

“I love you too.” Michael said pulling away with a smile that Jeremy would swear could light up all of New Jersey in an instant. “I love you Jeremiah Heere. So much.”

And as Jeremy pulled Michael into another kiss, he could feel the world wash away. And knew that even though with those words means a lot. And there are things that they will still have to go through as they go on. But now, for once, it didn’t seem like the world would fall apart. All of Jeremy’s doubts washing away.

All the voices were silenced. It was all Michael. All he ever needed was him.

Just Michael. 

Only Michael.

And he would never be oblivious for that ever again. For Michael.

Only Michael.

Michael.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I have hidden some jokes that relate to other fanfictions throughout the story! But I don’t want to spoil them all. See if you can find them all!
> 
> My tumblr is @thealienwiththeflowercrowns


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